Time to come back

The first time I made break I was away from blog for a year
Now, it is more than two.
Next one will probably be three
or I will never stop
Who knows?

First things first and back on the track:

I live in the house now
I live with the man I love
I will marry him in September
(when is the time when weddings happen)

I have what is known as good job
(basically lots and lots creativity and paid well)

I am submitting my thesis at the end of the month
(Narrative Inquiry blah parent blah blah)
If you want to know what I learned, read it!
Or ask me.

I met Neil Gaiman and he is a nice person.
I discovered Laurie Penny and fell in love with her words.
I still adore Tori Amos
and am sure I saw Nick Cave when I was in Brighton last year.
I discovered this fantastic man as well

My social circles became more hexagon-like
With some people gone, some reappearing and some slowly dissolving into past.
There also seem to be much more people who play paintball.
I blame man I love for that.

Ah yes, I am published author now as well.
And passionate cyclist up and down Bristol's hills

People change, yes.
I don't even smoke anymore.
I haven't for a year.

People become, as well.


I'm back to find out what I've become.

time to go out.

You have to know: I will never stop caring about you. In the same way I will never stop caring about.. rainbows. or children with big sad eyes.

I won't, I promise. It's just that..well... I will care. And I will be there for you, as long as you don't call me up on that. For if you do, I will say no.

No.

No.

Not because I feel things, for I do not. But because we've been there and done that. And now is the time for someone else to take that role. Role. Feel it sliding down your tongue.

Yes.

I'm sorry?

No. Not really. I am not sorry, I am content with this. And I do hope you are. For I am out. Over and out and no more dreams and no more big talks which will never be actioned.

I'm ok with that.

So why write about it?

Because some things were big. And important. And full on. And intense. And as such, deserve proper fare-well.

Fare thee well.

Feel it sliding down the tongue.

Feel the roads rising to meet you.

Forgive the void.

for no one

The time was of outmost importance. It took 90 minutes. The hour and the half.

He held her and she held him in return. They did not speak much. When they did, it was about the passion. Occasionally, about the music. And every now and then, nonintelligible phrases only meant to heighten the experience.

They did.

There was a word on his hip and the constellation on her hand. There was a bed-frame and tapestries she found interesting. There were concepts he found unusual and in between them, below the frame and deep into the night, they met each other over and over again. There were no names, though.

The names are natural born complicators. So she hid hers and as he gave his freely away, it became too invaluable to use.

The time was of outmost importance. As was the date.

It could have meant nothing. In one of the worlds from far far away, it didn't. But in the world they met in, it was important. So they played along.

And in those 90 minutes, wrapped in the night and the spiral town, they freely shared the only things which were truly and always theirs.


A body. And another body. And the song which took forever to end.

only after dark

They talked about the family, him and her. For a long time. They talked of where they came from. Deep into the night and twinkling stars of the summer skies.

They talked. And the dawn approached.

And she said:

"I'm not...quite sure I understand. Or that I can offer an opinion which counts.
For I came from a wee place. And went where not many go."

And he said:

"That's ok. Sometimes we get seduced by what we supposed to think
as opposed to what we feel.

That's ok."

And where he sat, the light came first. The Sun smiled on him like a mother smiles when she sees her child. He sat there, on a nameless beach of a nameless world and said nameless word to make her feel better.

So she said:

"Thank you, Sad Joe."

And later, in the dark and in the cold, when she talked to the void of him in the world, she said again:

"Thank you."

For she missed him. And she thought of him often. How Sun kissed him. How she kissed him and how he kissed her, once upon a long lost time, where summer was neverending and the stars twinkled like the Christmas lights.

And that's how she traveled.

And that's how she travels still.

sidewalks in the sky

in the place where she learned to walk
on a pillow she learned how to read
she opened her eyes:

it didn't matter to anyone else

but her

the stories she walked past
turned back and looked at her
and she read them again

they were right.
their glances were piercing
they smelled of black coffee and cigarette smoke
and had the teeth of a shark

 she roasted them with pleasure

on an open fire of past

with a pinch of salt

and moved on.

yes: yes.

I want to talk to you

I really.really do

The sunsets subsided 

and the rains fell through

and all I want is to talk to you

again.

Silly, yes, I know:

Not like we ever did

Really. 

But never-the-less

I wanted to

And I miss you

I miss you with a power of seven million and eight powerplants

I miss you with the words of one thousand and six poets

I miss you with a passion of three hundred and two lovers who will never see each other again

I miss you- one me, among the billions- one you, among the billions

I want to talk to you.

It's time to stay
she concluded.